Get Your Ex Back

Relationship Fighting Styles

My relationship doesn’t make any sense…?

One minute my bf will say how much he cares and wants to be intimate with me – the next he will take on an aggressive, uncaring attitude and seem more interested in other women instead of me. We’ve been together three years. I harbor resentment toward him for a lot of things. One of them being his inability to stand up for our relationship in the past. I am also insecure about the stability of our relationship because of our style of arguing. He becomes cold, defensive, and tends to withdrawl and brush my concerns off like I’m crazy or something. I tend to get frustrated and have a short fuse for his childish behavior. We argue a lot and the fights sometimes last all day. I’m totally at the end of my rope. We are living together and keep telling one another we can make it work. We’ve been through a lot and have agreed that we don’t want to throw away 3 years. Why is he so aggressive with me and what can I do to help myself here? His attitude actually scares me and I feel inferior.

Guess what?? I have news for you. Ready? HE’S DOING IT ON PURPOSE

He knows exactly what he’s doing. He either watched his parents do it, or he adapted this defense mechanism as a child. But it’s never going to change. What he’s doing is called being passive aggressive, and it’s inflexible and incurable. It’s worse than cancer, because it can’t be cured.

He’ll try and blame you and make you feel crazy until you are. He raises his empty self-esteem by depleting yours.

Read up on it. Sorry for the bad news.

Chloroform Tribute to Cloud AMV

Should I Lie to Protect the Relationship?

Remember how your relationship was in the very beginning?

You stayed up all night talking about everything – your dreams and desires and even the things that scare or embarrass you. But then, as the relationship went a long, you stopped talking about so much. Everything became so heavy and meaningful.

In the beginning, things were great. There was a level of trust and open communication that created intimacy and understanding. So, what happened to that? Where did it go and how can you get it back?

I used to try to protect my partner from those heavy, bad moods and ugly thoughts. I went to my room and hung out until I felt like socializing again.

I thought I was noble in my ability to control what came out of my mouth.

I thought I was kind because I never let on what I was thinking.

But what I was doing was ruining my relationships. There was no relationship. I was cutting myself off from others and never allowing them to know me. They never knew what I was thinking or feeling or needing.

I was an island. A very lonely island.

I really thought that if I let people know the ugly thoughts, not only would they be hurt – but they would probably become angry and disown me – betray me, talk shit behind my back. I would be the outcast.

So I beat them to the punch! Hah! I’d banish myself to my own room (or apartment, as I got older). I’d banish myself to silence.

You can either have a N.I.C.E. (Not Interested in Connecting Emotionally) relationship… where you hide what is true out of fear. Or you can have an alive, real relationship with intimacy, compassion and understanding.

Some people withhold from their partner and add an extra zinger — they put on a show of pain and discomfort in order to punish them. It’s an effort to communicate just how much pain they’re in. But none of it’s verbalized. It’s a show of the pain.

When you start keeping secrets and withholding,.. when you cut off the sharing of life force between you,… you’re cutting off the intimacy in your relationship. Even if you think you’re protecting your partner from painful or embarrassing thoughts – it’s still destroying your relationship.

Relationships require sharing… both our dreams and desires along with our doubts and fears.

What are you feeling and what needs of yours are being met or not? …

I’m happy because my need for support in keeping our home is being met.

I’m disappointed because my need for partnership isn’t being met in the way we’re handling our finances.

I’m sad because my need for connection isn’t being met when you’re out with your friends every evening.

You can find out more about this style of intimate communication, along with other advice on building healthy, intimate relationships, at our website: www MagicRelationship dot com.

Another tip: when you offer your feelings and needs, it’s best to follow them with a request. If you offer them without a request, your partner won’t know why you’re giving them the information.

Do you want to be just heard?

Do you want advice?

Do you want to come up with a strategy for meeting your needs? Why the heck are you telling me this?

Often, a comment without a request will be taken as blame… which will lead to fixing, fighting or fleeing. Don’t leave your poor partner hanging.

Paul and I recommend asking, “Would you tell me what you heard me say?” (Avoid saying ‘could’- it implies they aren’t intelligent enough to repeat you. And avoid saying “What did I say?” because what you said and what they heard are two different things.)

And one more tip: don’t think that little behaviors are enough to be warranted as ‘sharing feelings and needs.’ Fixing your honey a cup of coffee in the morning is very sweet, but it may not communicate your feelings of love and contentment like actually verbalizing the information. “I love you so much”, PLUS the cup of coffee goes much further.

Frowning and throwing around the bed covers while you make the bed may not adequately communicate your feelings and needs, either.

Instead, say: “I’m feeling disappointed because my need for support around the house isn’t being met. Would you be willing to discuss a way to help that would also meet your needs?”

There’s no room for misinterpretation there.

Try it out this holiday season: make a pact with your beloved to share absolutely ALL your feelings and needs for one day – the good, the bad and the ugly. Then follow the information with a request.

Be prepared to spend some time processing and discussing those feelings and needs as they come up.

However, try to avoid getting into BLAMING and ‘FAULT’ behind the feelings and needs. That tends to end up in a free-for-all about evaluations and judgments – who’s right and who’s wrong. Try to stick with feelings, needs and requests.

Try to do this on a day when you’ll have the time.

You won’t want to get cut off because you have to run to pick up the kids right when you’re getting to the heart of an issue that’s snuck up silently between you.

You’re going to want to stay and hold each other and talk it through… and feel the intimacy of clearing out all of those old, crusty feelings and unmet needs that have been clogging the flow of love.

And, again, you can find out more about this style of intimate communication for relationships, at our website – www MagicRelationship dot com – a along with advice on building healthy relationships.

About the Author

Kristin Denton & Paul Sterling teach Relationship Communication Skills – Live Seminars or Tele-Classes including – 4 Steps To Instant Intimacy & Understanding – Relationship-Wrecking Mistakes -To get a free copy of ‘The 5 Mistakes Report’ go to http://www.magicRelationship.com/freeaccess

Love Compatibility

love compatibility?

a male cancer born under the chinese sign dragon and she’s an aquarius born under the sign of the horse…. what does the stars say about them???

The stars say nonthing, it is just a bunch of made up satanic stuff…..only God would know.

aquarius compatibility, aquarius love compatibiltiy, aquarius relationships

Zodiac Love Compatibility – Finding a Love Connection in Your Horoscope

What’s your sign?  Remember that?!

One of the greatest (corny) pickup lines ever was more than just a pick up line. The idea of horoscope compatibility based on astrological signs is not new. Millions of people worldwide read a daily horoscope in a newspaper or online.  Millions of people also pay attention to and make use of astrology and love compatibility when dating and mating.

Asking someone “what’s your sign” was not only an ice breaker from the dating toolbox of singles in the past, it was also a quick and easy way to measure compatibility for those who used and understood horoscopes.  Horoscope compatibility says we are compatible. Or not.  A love horoscope that shows your astrological compatibility gives you an opportunity to better understand some generalizations about your potential date or even your long term partner.  Believers say certain signs go best with other signs, and people act in ways that is a result of when they were born.

Accepting or dismissing a potential date or partner based entirely on a love horoscope may or may not be the wisest way to go about using astrology.  What may better serve your need for understanding is using horoscope compatibility much like you would a good book or an article on relationships.  You find out what works by making a focused effort to succeed with it.  You keep the parts that work best for you and you leave the rest alone.  Finding your connection in the zodiac boils down to finding what works best for you and using it as a helpful guide.

With an understanding of what kind of love match you make and desire you can better understand, at least in general terms, who is compatible with you.  You can even go beyond generalizations and have a personalized, individual reading done just for you based on your birth date and time and other factors.  Astrology love compatibility is a very popular subject and there is no shortage of people and businesses ready to help you find your love connection in the stars.

There are many variables that determine compatibility in astrology such as birth dates, birth months, birth years, position of a sign within the Sun, the Moon, the Stars, etc.  If you want to get serious about horoscopes you need to realize that what you read in the newspaper is like a snippet of the whole truth.  The whole truth and nothing but the truth is whatever you find works best for you.

For more on zodiac love compatibility please visit – http://www.romantic-date-idea.com/zodiac-love-compatibility.html

About the Author

I’m always looking for new and interesting thoughts and ideas about romance to share.  Please visit my website for more informative articles, ideas, and tips on relationships, romance, and dating  http://www.romantic-date-idea.com

Relationship Insecurity Issues

Insecurity issues…how to deal?

I have been dating this great guy for 5 mos. I don’t see him much but once or twice a week, but we talk everyday. He has alot of female friends that are married or in a relationship that call him alot or stop by his house to see him…they alll work together. I often get very jealous even though they are all married or with someone. I have a horrible past with x’s cheating and am very insecure and jealous. how do i get over this and trust my man?

whatever you do, DO NOT try to make him jelous.

Just try to get over the fact that he has friends who are girls and gets on with them better than boys, and the same goes for the girls that he is seeing. Maybe its a bridget jones senario, one of his girlfriends fancie you and are using him to get closer to you. or, they are unbelieveably insecure and jealous about your relationship with your bf and maybe their marriges are failing, so they feel they have to wreck yours. So dont worry. your not on your own. If he is faithful, then he will stay with you, and not go off with these women, if anything looks suspicious then yes, confront him, but remember you might be feeling jealous and insecure at the time, and might not even know what your saying or thinking things through, just accusing, so be careful, x

Hope this helps, and hope it could be a best answer x

What if your boyfriend looks at porn? – FOR WOMEN ONLY

Who Really Wants to be in an Abusive Relationship?

Relationships: Abusive Relationships.

When in an abusive relationship, it’s not easy to get out because so many threats are being made by the abuser. Abuse is vice/versa.

Know that: Not only men abuse women. Women abuse men just as well too. Now most women that get involved in abusive relationships normally don’t see the warning signs until it’s too late where they end up dead! Either way, someone gets killed whether it’s the man killing the woman, or the woman killing the man because they’ve had enough of the abuse where the woman have to face harsher jail sentences just cause they killed the man that they were in an abusive relationship with and most people might say, why didn’t you just get out when you had the chance to then all of that drama could of been avoided and that’s when you realize that particular question cannot be answered because when women are in abusive relationships they can’t even answer that question because they’re confused themselves, and really don’t know what to do and tend to stick around thinking that the man will change his ways.

The warning signs of abuse:

-The man throwing tantrums when things don’t go their way.

-Verbally abusive (name calling)

-Insecurity(accusations)-When they’re out doing dirt so they have it in the back of their minds that the woman is cheating when all the while they’re cheating and feeling guilty so they tend to fault the woman because of their silly actions because they feel they will get caught.

-Disrespect: Telling the woman what to eat and wear and trying to run the woman’s life.

Either way you look at it, these are all the signs of abuse. But can you really trust those men that abuse these women? No, because once a man hits you, he’ll always hit you. If you’re in an abusive relationship with someone and the minute that they hit you, you leave right away where you shouldn’t look back. No ifs, ands, or butts about it. No matter how much they say they love you and they won’t do it again. 9 out of 10 times they come back harder while trying to break your spirit. The minute a man is free with his hands, it doesn’t get any better. Although, men that abuse women normally hate to see the woman prosper and move on with their lives because they prefer the woman to remain broken-spirited where she has to depend on the man while making the woman’s life miserable just because they are miserable themselves Remember: Misery loves company!

Although, it’s very stressful when in an abusive relationship because the women tend to let themselves go and not caring about themselves and their appearances while obeying the man whose actually abusing them. Some women thibk that it’s the only man that they can get and fooling themselves thinking that the abusive man will always be there for them and loves them when it’s not true when all the while there are good men out there that don’t believe in beating a woman which is a plus. Overall, I’d rather be with a man who wouldn’t abuse me. Some women recover from the abuse that they had to deal with and some never bounce back to a point where they end up having low self esteem. We all know that low self esteem is not a good thing, because you have to love yourself first bfore getting together with any man and if you can do that, then you would automatically know off the bat that you wouldn’t settle for less, no way, no how and then that only means that your standards are very high and will remain to stay that way. I truly believe that when you start a relationship with someone you should really check out the parents or their background more than anything and how they live because you never really know someone and the way they are if you never investigate and analyze them yourself.

Remember: Most abusers come from watching the father abusing the mother so they learn from their father because they think it’s okay to pound on a woman. But as I mntioned before that women abuse men too as well and just can’t help themselves, these women always end up alone because of their wreckless behavior and their insecurity issues that she has all because she fears that the man might leave her for another woman or just won’t let the man live their lives so they also get free with their hands and does nothing but suffocate her man with her jealousy and her insecurity issues. These type of women are more dangerous than the man because no matter how you put it, the woman might be so scorned to a point where she ends up killing or harimng her mate because she’s so possessive and abusive.

But why do we continue to stay in an abusive relationship if we’re still going to remain unhappy? That’s an answer women and men have to answer for themselves no matter how much denial one might be in. Now, some poeple that have never been in an abusive relationship are against this type of behavior and want to say something when they witness an abuser abusing his partner in any kind of way, but can’t really help but avoid it, because abuse is all around no matter what you do or say. But can you really avoid being in an abusive relationship? Yes, you can and the way you can avoid being in an abusive realtionship is to never get involved in one.

Words from experience: The minute you see the signs that I have mentioned earlier. You leave ASAP and don’t look back because you’ll live to regret it to the fullest. For those men and women out there, will you finally open up your eyes and see that staying in an abusive relationship can kill you emotionally and keeping you feeling paralyzed on the inside because your spirit ends up broken, or will you continue to stay in an abusive relationship whereas you’ll die!

About the Author

Newly published author/writer.
A new writer of urban tales and fiction.
My first book will be out this summer of 2008.